Is Midlife Really A Crisis?
The term “midlife crisis” has become part of our everyday lexicon. Ever wonder why? Why do so many women look to the years ahead through eyes clouded by fear? Why do many of us spend waaay too much time looking in the rear view mirror? What are we so afraid of?
When I asked myself these questions a whole slew of fears bubbled to the surface. I won’t be loved, valued or important as I age. I wont’ be attractive. I haven’t made a difference. Then there’s the big one – I’m afraid to die. whew. After some careful introspection I’ve learned that my fears reflect the negative beliefs I am carrying around about what might happen to me as I age. Unearthing these beliefs from the darkness of my unconscious mind into the light of awareness was the first step toward laying them to rest. I found I was carrying an outdated belief that I would eventually become unattractive, weak, ineffective and lonely as I aged. Yikes! Hanging on to that picture of aging WAS something to fear. Time for some mindful intervention.
We can all benefit from taking some time to name our fears out loud (I suggest writing them down). Next, question the source of these often outrageous statements. Who said maturing women are not beautiful? Who said you can’t continue to make a difference? Who said…!!
Remember, it’s YOUR life. We can’t change the fact that we are getting older, but we most definitely can have a say in how we approach it.
No one can predict the future. In fact, there is no future. There is only a consecutive series of “nows”. We can each create the experience we choose, moment by moment, day by day, by taking proactive steps to stay engaged with life. Participate in activities you love, deepen your spiritual practice, nurture family and friendships, exercise regularly, eat healthfully and be of service in a way that is meaningful to you. Sure stuff happens – but calling something good or bad often depends on ones perspective. Sometimes our most difficult challenges are our best teachers.
The fear of dying often reflects the belief that we have not done what we came here to do. What if we came here to wake up? Perhaps WHAT you do is irrelevant… and HOW you do it is everything. Growing older only becomes a crisis when we refuse to respect the ongoing circle of life and stay stuck in a mindset that keeps us trying to resuscitate a life gone by. By living mindfully we are able to move into the future one “now” at a time. This is the time to reexamine, reframe, and reclaim this transition for the opportunity it truly can be.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:14 am
[…] women better able to handle midlife transitions? While I have previously written about whether midlife really IS a crisis, I found some interesting perspectives shared by Les Brown in his blog post: “Do Fewer Women […]